I haven’t had sex in 8 years, which is equal to approximately 3 of my humans‘ years. That, for me, is a very very long time. Do not ask me how I got the data because my humans (and I) see no point in sending me to school. The thing is I would bite all the aliens I encounter. By aliens, I mean EVERYBODY except my humans, Esmeralda, and me. Occasional visitors of my humans are somewhat acceptable, but I would have to bark at them first to warn them that they would have to cross my fluffy dead body before they can do anything to harm my humans. I do not care that my humans think I am aggressive. I can’t help it. The consequences of their being in danger is much worse than the fact that they are not happy I do not behave.
Oops!!!!!!! Forgive me for jumping too fast into the alien drama. My name is Philly and I am 36 years old. I can say that I am quite mature for my age because I do not do things Esmeralda does. Esmeralda, 24, is so fluffy (way fluffier than me), white, and cute. She used to be yellowish brown like me when she was a newborn; I guess puberty found her well. My humans and their friends seem to have the same perspective of beauty as they always pat and notice her before me. I do not blame them. Being so young and girly, she is constantly enthusiastic and excited. She wiggles her tail nonstop, chases all the aliens inside the yard, excessively licks everyone, and persistently groans for attention. No wonder she is the cool girl, because all I ever do is smell each of my human once or twice. Believe me, I think I am the grandpa while she is the star.
Esmeralda is not interested in being intimate, at least not with me. I used to be extremely in love with her when I was like 32 years old. Her rejection made my unrequited love look vain. She just brushed me off, saying it was not the right time. Being a gentle(man) dog that I was, I had a tendency to look out for her. I bit off aliens for her, I barked at ones who touch her too frequently, I licked her butt after she went to the bathroom, and I waited for her when she went for a walk for too long. I offered her my leftover when my humans gave us her favorite food. Esmeralda, however, is and will always be attracted to an alien’s dog opposite of my humans‘ house (don’t ever tell her I told you that). She always stares at Simon’s (or whatever his name is) door whenever we go outside. If he comes out, she just pretends she is barking at him. Such a girl with a mind game!!! I am not happy she is in love with an alien, if you ask me. Not that I am interested anymore.
I am always sleeping, but I am never asleep. My ears are wide, listening closely for alien invasion. My eyes are habitually half-opening, peeking to see what my humans are up to. My nose is repeatedly sniffing for food. I would do anything for food. Anything that does not involve in getting my humans hurt. They are my entire world, my entire heart. Not that I can see or touch my heart. That is the reason why I love it when my humans scratch my stomach or my neck. It totally makes me feel like I have been given a heart massage. Believe me, I always need one. One secret about me: I cannot tell my tail to stop wiggling, nor could I withhold myself from licking my paws. I always do both when my humans are around. They are always busy, but I would not mind giving all of me to them anyway. I still slyly desire some extra cookies. SHH!!!
I wish my humans knew how much I love them. I might not be as energetic as Esmeralda, but that is only because she is much younger and much more playful. I am usually found in the balcony, thinking about what my humans do when they leave this yard. Would they talk to the aliens? Would the aliens make them sad? Is that why they just sit there and think a lot? I wish they would never leave home. I wish my humans would stay with me forever because I will never let no alien take their happiness away. I wish my humans knew I dedicate my whole life to waiting for them to come home. I wish they would know that getting half of them just isn’t enough, but it is still okay. I do not know how big the universe is. I do not know how many aliens are there and what a threat they are to my humans. I have six humans. I will protect them with my life. I will always love them. My humans are my universe.
If I spoke the language of my humans, I would tell them that they could always count on me. I would tell them to quit trying to be more, because they have to know that there is no one in the world who loves them more than I do. Even if that day never comes and I would never be the first priority, I would still forgive them. Sometimes it hurts, but I am just a dog. I am sure I will forget. In fact, I will forget everything I said by the next hour. Oh look!!! My humans’ car is here. I got to go to the door and wiggle the hell out of me. I also want to tell them I want food. There is no such thing as too many cookies. My mouth is watering at the stuff they brought for me. Oh look!!! Cookies!!! My humans are the best. I knew they also care about me. I would like to think I am also their universe, the love they could always count on.